Flip on the radio or walk into any store or office these days and you’re sure to hear Christmas music. Some songs are welcome reminders of cherished memories while others…well…not so much. In fact, a recent study found that most ugly Christmas sweater purchases are made under the influence of Santa Baby.
Where do all these songs come from? Well, this is the season of giving, and it seems every performer on earth celebrates by giving us the opportunity to buy their holiday album. And so we’re serenaded by everyone from pop stars (CeeLo Green) to comedians (Steven Colbert) to the desperate (every American Idol contestant and every artist trying to make a comeback) to the disturbing (Christmas Lounge Music, CeeLo Green, Christmas Workout Non-stop Mix, CeeLo Green, Country’s Most Wanted Instrumental Christmas Songs—I love the tin-cup on prison bars version of Silent Night).
So many diverse talents chasing the same 4-week royalties bonanza has created a new kind of cross-over genre I like to call “Blech.” In this category you’ll find the dance version of Oh Holy Night and the mawkish version of Jingle Bell Rock. This year, my personal favorite (to tune away from the moment I hear it) is a jazz-country-disco mash up of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.
Also trending are the singers who try to “out-slow” each other. When Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas takes as long as the car trip from Target in one town to our home in another, you know it’s a little too sluggish. Kind of like the drivers who emerge from their hermit holes only once a year—during December—just so they can pull out in front of you and tootle along at 20 miles an hour all the way to your destination. Who knew cars could go that slow? There is one benefit from getting behind these dawdlers though—due to the hilly roads around here, there are long stretches on Boston Post Road and others where I’ve learned you never have to use the gas pedal. That’s a gift in itself considering the price of gas these days.
But I digress…Here then is the 2013 Christmas Carroll Carol Survey. In the comments section tell me which Christmas song you consider:
The Worst Ever
The Most Sulky
The Most Morbid