I love standing in the checkout lane at Stop & Shop for so many reasons. Here’s this week’s:

As if you have a choice. As if you can open your closet and say, “Well, hmmm…What’s it going to be today? The stylish butt I got on sale last week?—oh, but I don’t have shoes to go with that one. My jeans butt?—I don’t know…I always choose that one. Oh My Gosh! I can’t believe this butt is still in here!—I wonder if it still fits!? I really just feel like my baggy butt today. Oh shoot, I have that meeting this morning. I guess it better be my best butt.”