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Wit Love, Kath

Category Archives: Only in Florida

We Just Needle Little Christmas

12 Friday Dec 2014

Posted by Kath Carroll in Holidays, Only in Florida, The Formative Years

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

artificial Christmas tree, Christmas, Christmas decorations, Christmas trees, crocodiles, cut your own Christmas tree, Maple Lane Farms

Now that the frenzy of Black Friday and the clamor of Cyber Monday have abated and the emails clogging my inbox reveal that I would have gotten a larger discount if I’d just waited until Total-up Tuesday or We-didn’t-sell-as-much-as-we-thought-we-would Wednesday, it’s time to turn my attention to other holiday-inspired activities. One of the perks of living in the Northeast is the ability to cut your own Christmas tree.  To go out into the (albeit farmer-made) forest and chop down a perfectly pruned pine just like our ancestors did, is one of the joys of the season.

Maple Lane has to be one of the most beautiful tree farms in the Northeast.

Maple Lane Farms must be one of the most beautiful tree farms in the Northeast

Maple Lane Farms must be one of the most beautiful cut-your-own Christmas tree farms in the Northeast.

As many of you know I grew up in South Florida, where the Christmas trees on offer were trucked in on October 1st from some “real” Christmas state like Vermont. They then hung out in parking lots all across town huddled together like delinquent teenagers and were on their last stump when they finally went on sale. This doesn’t mean, however, that they were lacking in fight. Surviving on the mean streets of Hollywood, meant these trees had to be tough. Their needles were stiff and as sharp as fangs, which made hanging the lights and ornaments a masochistic affair akin to crocodile wrestling. By the end of the day, my sister’s and my arms were red and scratched and our eyes teary. But it was tradition.

This tree looks so pretty, decorated for the season.

This crocodile tree looks so pretty decorated for the season.

You might think that holiday traditions were sparse in such a non-wintery place, but you’d be wrong. In fact these same beasts were the gifts that kept on giving. Instead of softly falling snowflakes, my sister, Jen, and I listened in the quiet of the night to the plink, plink of needles dropping onto our Cuban tile floor. And on December 26th  those needle banks were the site of our favorite annual event—the Pine Needle Sweep. With the tree nearly bare, Jen and I crawled through the piles on the floor shoveling as many needles as we could into baggies. Whoever had the fullest baggie won. I don’t remember what we won, but I do remember the pure thrill of the sport.

Despite these heartfelt memories, when the price of real Christmas trees began to climb, my parents decided it was time to buy an artificial one. I guess it wasn’t bad compared to other artificial Christmas trees of the 1970s. If I remember correctly, each bough hooked into its own hole on rings strategically placed along the “trunk” and the “needles” were anemic imitations of their authentic counterparts. Of course, this tree didn’t maul us, but where was the fun in that? No crying? It hardly seemed like Christmas.

At least, though, our artificial tree was green. Our neighbors across the street displayed an aluminum tree in their picture window. They “decorated” it by bathing it in light from a multi-colored revolving disk so that the tree flashed red, green, orange, blue, red, green, orange, blue, red, green…well, you get the idea…all night long. My sister and I, being sent to bed at some ridiculously early hour like 7:30 (really, we weren’t that bad—Santa knows, after all), used to kneel on our beds and watch this troubling, but oddly fascinating holiday extravaganza for hours (it was probably only 20 minutes, but that’s like 3 hours in kid time).

WitLoveKath - Needles - red tree

So when I moved north, I happily adopted the tradition of “cut your own” Christmas tree.  The unpredictable eccentricities of nature, however, can create…um…challenges. First, there’s the weather. Some years the air is pleasantly cold—just enough to make it feel like winter. Maybe there are even a few snowflakes swirling in the breeze for that Currier and Ives atmosphere. Then there are the bitter years when the temperature and the wind conspire to freeze you like the Winter Warlock in my fave animated Christmas special Santa Clause Is Coming to Town. Yeah, let’s all sing together—“Put one foot in front of the other, and cut down the first tree you see-ee-eee! Put one foot in front of the other, and soon we’ll be ba-ack in the car!!”

WitLoveKath - Needles - Mr. Winter

The second trial Mother Nature presents is the tree itself. Once, knee deep in snow and with a baby in tow, we chose what we thought was a nicely shaped, full bodied fir. But as we stuffed it into the car and secured it with bungee cords, my suspicions should have been up. And sure enough, as soon as we brought it into the house, the tree showed its true character. Like some out-of-control party guest, it dominated the family room, swallowed five strings of lights, and laughed maniacally at our measly ornaments—the entire collection of which only covered a tiny fraction of its branches.

Like the crocodile trees of my youth, it had spunk. It was jealous of the baby, swatting at him whenever he came near, and it drank copious amounts of water. I now know that it was staying fit for the nefarious purpose of escape. Twice during the night we heard disturbing noises coming from downstairs. In the morning we found the tree sprawled on the floor, no doubt tripped up by the coffee table as it tried to run for the back door. The only way we could subdue it was to tie it to nearby furniture with rope.

Well…oops!…I’ve gotta run. I hear this year’s Christmas tree pining for more water. It seems awfully thirsty lately. You don’t think? Nahh….

"Is this tree laughing, or is that just the wind through the boughs?"

“Is this tree laughing, or is that just the wind through the boughs?”

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Flo/Rida: A State Divided (by the way, whatever happened to that guy?)

29 Wednesday Oct 2014

Posted by Kath Carroll in Only in Florida, The Formative Years

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Tags

51st State, Colin Woodard, Florida, humor, South Florida

On October 7th South Miami officials passed a resolution with a vote of 3-2 to split Florida in half, and make South Florida our nation’s 51st state. I say it’s about time. As my faithful readers know, I grew up in Hollywood, Florida, and have borne the scars ever since. Yeah, most of them are from mosquito bites I shouldn’t have scratched, but the others are deeply etched in my psyche and impossible to eradicate—kind of like the cockroach that once emerged from under our sofa dragging the roach motel (“roaches check in but they don’t check out”) behind him with one leg.

I empathize with the local politicians. South Florida and North Florida are as different as alligators and crocodiles; they may seem the same, but I assure you they are not. For one thing alligators are memorialized with a state highway (Alligator Alley), and crocodiles are celebrated in song (Crocodile Rock). South Florida has beautiful waterways; white, sandy beaches; and, most recently, the woman who set her boyfriend on fire in retaliation for his throwing away her spaghetti dinner. North Florida spawned the beloved phrase “Don’t tase me, bro,” educated the man who asked Siri how to dump a body, and….umm….who knows? The only things I remember about northern Florida while driving in and out of the state during summer vacations were the violent thunder storms and blinding rain that hit as soon as we were in sight of the “Welcome to Florida, the Sunshine State” sign.

WitLoveKath - Florida - welcome sign

Miami’s Vice Mayor Walter Harris states that the pols in Tallahassee don’t understand the environmental concerns of the south. This is probably true—for unless you live it, you can’t possibly comprehend it. One danger facing South Florida is the rising sea level due to climate change. In the north they may think this means better surfing. But southerners know that it won’t be long before way-too-revealing itty-bitty swimsuit-wearing tourists will be forced inland and, like the walking dead, wander downtowns in search of beaches that have been swallowed by the ocean.

Those northern bureaucrats also don’t have to manage the Everglades, where pythons the length of three Jane Lynches or four Kristen Chenoweths and capable of swallowing an entire deer whole slither around at will.  Although police in the north did recently have to arrest a naked 500-pound man who couldn’t fit into the cruiser—so who’s to say where the real weirdness lies.

All I can say is, "Ai Ai Ai!" Image courtesy Care2

All I can say is, “Ai Ai Ai!”
Image courtesy Care2

Miami’s Mayor Philip Stoddard went even further than Harris, expressing his frustration this way: “It’s very apparent that the attitude of the northern part of the state is that they would just love to saw the state in half and just let us float off into the Caribbean. They’ve made that abundantly clear at every possible opportunity, and I would love to give them the opportunity to do that.”

If the north is actually sharpening its saws, they might find another willing participant in Colin Woodard, who in late 2013 wrote the book American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America. Woodard suggests that America can be divided into The Left Coast, The Far West, El Norte, The Midlands, Yankeedom, Greater Appalachia, New Netherland, Tidewater, New France, and The Deep South.

Where does South Florida fit into his vision of America? Nowhere, that’s where. While Woodard includes the northern counties of Florida in The Deep South, the southern counties are only mentioned in a parenthesis floating in the Atlantic that reads (Part of the Spanish Caribbean).

Poor South Florida--relegated to non-American status. Image courtesy Tufts Magazine

Poor South Florida–relegated to non-American status.
Image courtesy Tufts Magazine

To this I take exception. Yes, the north has St. Augustine and the Fountain of Youth and lays claim to the oldest jail, oldest wooden schoolhouse, oldest drugstore, and oldest house. But South Florida trumps that with the oldest oldies and so much more!

Would not America be much less rich without South Florida’s Monkey Jungle, Parrot Jungle, Jungle Island, and the JungleQueen Riverboat? In fact, any citizen of this swampy landmass could enclose a patch of ground and proudly create his or her own Lizard Jungle, Anole Jungle, Assassin Bug and his sidekick Masked Hunter Jungle (lovely), Hag Moth Jungle (lovelier), Horse Lubber Grasshopper Jungle (one of my personal favorites since we basically had one of these attractions in our backyard, and I could tell that spring had sprung when the odor of these grasshoppers’ “spit” filled the air), Spiny Backed Orb Weaver Jungle (another “favorite” that appeared everywhere in our yard. Empty “orbs” of these spiders were the most frightening because you never knew if the spiky, dangerous creatures were crawling up your arm or your back).

The Assassin--known for its horrible sting...

The Assassin–known for its horrible sting…

...and its sidekick Masked Hunter!!

…and its sidekick Masked Hunter!!

This creature is so sturdy you could put a leash on it  and keep it as a pet. The "puppies" start out black with a red or yellow line running down the center of their back.

This creature is so sturdy you could put a leash on it and keep it as a pet. The “puppies” start out black with a red or yellow line running down the center of their back.

Beware the prongs of this  dreaded predator!!  Images courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Beware the prongs of this dreaded predator!!
Images courtesy Wikimedia Commons

So you can see that South Florida could more than hold its own as the 51st state. But two questions remain—where would the border be drawn and what would the new state be called?

Mayor Stoddard has designated a dividing line along Brevard, Orange, Polk, Hillsborough, and Pinellas counties. This area includes the South Florida Water Management district; Lake Okeechobee, a major source of the state’s water; and Disney World. The politicians’ plan may sound foolish, but they’re no fools.

Here are how the two states would appear on the map. You'll notice the little jog to collect Disney World, hereafter known as Fantasy Jungle. Image courtesy of Charles Minshew,  Sun Sentinel

Here is how the map of a divided Florida would look. You’ll notice the little jog to collect Disney World, hereafter to be known as Fantasy Jungle.
Image courtesy of Charles Minshew, Sun Sentinel

But what to name the new state? As a fan of anagrams, I wondered if scrambling the letters of South Florida would provide any possibilities. I was not disappointed:

  1. Hairdo Flouts: if there’s one thing I remember from my time in Florida, it’s women—and men—flouting their hair. Of course it was the time of luxurious locks ala Farrah Fawcett and young Shawn Cassidy.
Who could live up to this?

Who could live up to this?

Unfortunately, my hair tended more toward his than hers...but even this amount of "poofyness" was out of my reach.

Unfortunately, my hair tended more toward his than hers…but even this amount of “poofyness” was out of my reach.

  1. Hi Fraud Tools/Hi Fraud’s Loot: Since South Florida is a hotbed of illicit activity, I thought either of these might fit the bill.
  1. Ooh! Tidal Surf: I was never a surfer chick, but the high number of bronze bodies that ride the waves puts this one in the running.
  1. Dilators of Uh…: It must be the hot sun (or maybe number 2 above) that fries so many brains, but South Florida has more of than its share of wide-eyed, lights- are-on-but-nobody’s-home residents.
  1. Oh Adrift Soul: for the poetic-minded
  1. Uh…Adrift Solo: for the truly lost

Or, simply, as my daughter Jenny suggested:

  1. Crazy Town

Creating a new state takes an act of Congress, so I implore you to write your congresswoman or man and register your vote to make South Florida the new star on our flag. With your help, this nation may just become a little crazier.

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Play That Funky Music

23 Wednesday Apr 2014

Posted by Kath Carroll in Music, Only in Florida, The Formative Years

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

1970s, 1980s, Adele, disco, Elton John, Music, novelty songs

I was never particularly nostalgic for the songs of my youth, rarely playing them at home or in the car. Of course it may have something to do with the fact that I came of age in the 1970s, and while there was some excellent music produced during those years, my memory seems fixated on the disco and novelty songs of the time. Perhaps nowhere did disco reign as supreme as in South Florida. Hialeah, right next door to my hometown of Hollywood was the birthplace of KC and the Sunshine Band (“That’s the Way (I Like It)”,” Shake Shake Shake (Shake Your Booty)”, “I’m Your Boogie Man,” “Get Down Tonight,” and “Please Don’t Go,”—Ya know, I’d forgotten how many hits they had), and Donna Summer owned a beach house in Venice, FL. I vividly remember when her version of “MacArthur Park” was the most requested song on the local radio station for about 100 weeks in a row in 1978. Miami loved Donna Summer.

Here's KC and the Sunshine Band at Parrot Jungle in Miami (where you could have your picture taken with parrots sitting on your arms or shoulders). Dig those outfits! Here are a couple of unforgettable performances: That's the way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM7zRfHG0no Get Down Tonight: www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyUk5RrKfUs

Here’s KC and the Sunshine Band at Parrot Jungle in Miami (where you could have your picture taken with parrots sitting on your arms or shoulders). Dig those outfits!
Here are a couple of unforgettable performances:
“That’s the Way”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM7zRfHG0no
“Get Down Tonight”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyUk5RrKfUs

Only the Queen of Disco could give this song about a "cake left out in the rain" both gravitas and groove. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eQOYimLUt4

Only the Queen of Disco could give this song about a “cake left out in the rain” both gravitas and groove.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eQOYimLUt4

I also find it hard to pine for such musical oddities as Jim Stafford’s “Spiders and Snakes” (Remember an America where this kind of song could make you a star? Yeah, me neither) and “My Girl Bill,” which finally got people talking about a very important issue: the proper placement of commas.

Remember this handsome devil? But more importantly--remember this haircut? Here are two performances of "Spiders and Snakes." The first has Dolly Parton in it and the second Tommy Smothers, two more people worth seeing again. www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lYdD9DdLNY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGJVA6pKWpw "My Girl Bill":  www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHGV3PhEg5c

Remember this handsome devil? 
Here are two performances of “Spiders and Snakes.” The first has Dolly Parton in it and the second Tommy Smothers, two more people worth seeing again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lYdD9DdLNY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGJVA6pKWpw
“My Girl Bill”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHGV3PhEg5c

Other gems of the genre included C. W. McCall’s CB radio anthem  “Convoy” and Rick Dee’s “Disco Duck,” which was an insult to both disco and ducks.

Yes, these long lines of trucks used to be called "convoys." Now we call it the I-95 Northeast Corridor.  This video is worth watching just for C. W. McCall's lip synching. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN4XpIbEY-Y

Yes, these long lines of trucks used to be called “convoys.” Now we call it the I-95 Northeast Corridor.
This video is worth watching just for C. W. McCall’s lip synching:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN4XpIbEY-Y

Here's Rick Dees sporting the trademark 70s mustache and feathered hair.  This video is worth watching just to be glad we don't have to watch this kind of thing anymore: www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgPgavmY99U

Here’s Rick Dees sporting the trademark 70s mustache and feathered hair.
This video is worth watching just to be glad we don’t have to watch this kind of thing anymore:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgPgavmY99U

So I was satisfied with now and then catching a song from my past while scanning the shelves at Michael’s arts and crafts supply store or trawling the aisles of Stop & Shop (the only place, by the way, that you can still hear Taylor Dayne). The kids kept the car radio on the local Top 40 stations, and that was fine with me, as I love pop music.

Then I found 98.7, a good 70s and 80s “oldies” (I categorically reject that description) radio station that I sometimes listened to when driving alone to Target or Stop & Shop.  When my daughter, Jenny, rode with me, she controlled the selections, scanning through our preset buttons to find a song we wanted to listen to. She would always skip over the oldies station or, if she hit the button by mistake, scan away from it as reflexively as if she’d touched a spider (I guess Jim Stafford was on to something after all). “Oh, that was a good song,” I’d sometimes exclaim, having caught a couple of notes of an old favorite, but she’d stop me mid-sentence with a withering look.

Then Adele burst onto the scene with “Someone Like You.” The song was incredible. It was incredible on 105.5, incredible on 104.7, incredible on 101.3, and incredible on 95.7. Sometimes it was incredible on all four simultaneously. After a few weeks the song was amazing. It was amazing on 101.3, amazing on 105.5, amazing on 95.7, and amazing on 104.7; it even started showing up on 106.5, not strictly a Top 40 station. It became possible to hop from station to station and catch the song just beginning on one, just ending on another, and playing within a couple of notes of each other on two others. What about the fifth? The song had probably just ended or would begin as soon as the current song was over.  A couple more weeks went by and “Someone Like You” was great. It was great on 104.7, great on 105.5, great on 103.9, great on 95.7, and had caught up (or down) to great on 106.5. When several months had passed and it was still playing—“sigh”—on all those stations, we’d look at each other and say, “There’s got to be something else on.”

I think we could all sing "Someone Like You" from memory, so I'm not adding a link.

"I heard that you're settled down, that you fou..."

“I heard that you’re settled down, that you fou…”

"...couldn't stay away, I couldn't figh..."

“…couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t figh…”

"...ped you'd see my face and that you'd be remi..."

“…oped you’d see my face and that you’d be remi…”

"...asts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."

“…asts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”

"...at was Adele with 'Someone Like You.'"

“That was Adele with ‘Someone Like You.'”

It was then, when we were nearing “Someone Like You” insanity, that I tentatively said, “We can try the oldies station.” With trepidation Jenny acquiesced. At the time 98.7 was heavy on Fleetwood Mac. Jenny recognized “Dreams,” and whereas she automatically rejected it before, she now decided it wasn’t too bad. And so started her education in some of the songs I’d grown up with.

At first she took 98.7 in small doses, but gradually we began spending more and more time there. As song followed song, I’d tell her the title and the artist. Some songs came with a story or reminiscence.  And some songs proved the old adage “history repeats itself.” Take the Doobie Brother’s “Black Water” for instance. The first time we heard it, I told Jenny how much my sister grew to hate that song because when it was first released in 1974, the Florida radio stations played it over and over until you felt you were drowning in that “old black water” that kept “on rollin’” (or as my friend Roz puts it, “the most overplayed song of all time.”). Well, it turns out 98.7 also has a penchant for “Black Water,” and now when we catch those first dulcet strains, my daughter and I smile at each other and then Jenny hits the button.

There's not a lot of action here, but I think those mustaches and hairdos deserve a second look. "Black Water": www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSAqkGU2nQ4

There’s not a lot of action in this video, but then again there’s not a lot of action in the song. 
“Black Water”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSAqkGU2nQ4

After awhile the quizzes started.  “Ok, who’s this?” I’d ask as songs came on.  At first Jen said, “Elton John?” or “Fleetwood Mac?” to every question. Her guess of Elton John was a bit facetious because she knows I love Sir Elton, and in the time before her conversion, whenever we’d hear the first notes of “Tiny Dancer,” “Your Song,” “Bennie and the Jets,” or any of his other hits as she scanned the dial, my gaze would slide to the right and hers to the left and with a bit indulgence she’d let me listen.

What can I say? I've probably listened to these three albums more than all my other albums put together. Here are just a couple songs to take you back. Tiny Dancer: www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xuSYEeo9Wc Your Song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwzdVHTNpXs

What can I say? I’ve probably listened to these three albums more than all my other albums put together.
Here are just a couple songs to take you back.
Tiny Dancer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xuSYEeo9Wc
Your Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwzdVHTNpXs

Fortunately, the station played enough Fleetwood Mac for her to be right about half the time, and her confidence grew. Then as happens with someone learning a foreign language, it all clicked. She began thinking in 70s and 80s. As soon as a song began, she’d shout out “Rod Stewart” or “Phil Collins” or “The Police” or “the Rolling Stones.” “Yes!” I’d reply.  It was like we were playing the old TV game show Name That Tune and she was the defending champion. I couldn’t have been more proud.

Now 98.5 is one of our favorites, and it’s fun hearing the old songs again.  Jenny and I also like discussing the differences between songs then and now. While Connecticut stations aren’t so big on disco, we heard plenty during our trip to Hollywood in October. Of course, I’m not sure whether that was an “oldies” station we were listening to or whether South Florida is still stuck in the disco era. Miami did love its disco.

"...you like piña coladas, getting caught in the rain..." We caught this song right at the beginning, so I made Jenny listen to the whole thing even though every fiber of her being told her to scan away. This Rupert Holmes song may not be the best, but it was definitely a phenomenon and has become a classic--or maybe just "Classic." Oh go ahead - you know you want to: www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5_EIikdFr8

“…you like piña coladas, getting caught in the rain…” We caught this song right at the beginning, so I made Jenny listen to the whole thing even though every fiber of her being told her to scan away. This Rupert Holmes song may not be the best, but it was definitely a phenomenon and has become a classic–or maybe just “Classic.”
Oh go ahead – you know you want to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5_EIikdFr8

I’m thinking that to honor my past I really should put “MacArthur Park” on my iphone. And what the heck—a little KC too. All of this talk about music has also made me think that a little more reminiscing about old songs might be fun. For my next blog I’m going to try something different. I thought I’d invite my friend Roz, whom I’ve known nearly all my life, to discuss songs that made us who we are. If you’d like us to talk about a particular song, let me know in the comments section or on Facebook.

And until next time, “Rock On.”

Here are pictures of David Essex then and now. He's currently a successful actor in many British productions. My 8th grade teacher, Judy Marsh, would have called him a "silver fox." This video proves that it is possible to dance and sing in a tiny space without bopping anyone on the head with the mic stand. "Rock On": www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR3hhc_Nfg8

Here are pictures of David Essex then and now. He’s currently a successful actor in many British productions. My 8th grade teacher, Judy Marsh, would have called him a “silver fox.”
This video proves that it is possible to dance and sing in a tiny space without bopping anyone on the head with the mic stand.
“Rock On”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fR3hhc_Nfg8

 

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