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Wit Love, Kath

~ My love letters about the funny side of life

Wit Love, Kath

Category Archives: Television

A species by any other name…

27 Sunday Sep 2015

Posted by Kath Carroll in Celebrity, Humor, Movies, Nature, News, Television

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Benedict Cumberbatch, Donald Trump, Elton John, humor, Johnn Boehner, Kermit, Muppets, nature, new species, super moon, Ted Cruz

The Rocket Man must be over the super moon. First Elton John was knighted by Queen Elizabeth, and now this! Recently, James Darwin Thomas, a professor at Nova Southeastern University, discovered a new species of shrimp, and noting its large “appendage” (now, now…), instead of thinking oxymoron, immediately thought of Elton John. Speaking through his publisher, Pensoft, Thomas revealed his inspiration. “I have listened to his music in my lab during my entire scientific career. So when this unusual crustacean with a greatly enlarged appendage appeared under my microscope after a day of collecting, an image of the shoes Elton John wore as the Pinball Wizard came to mind.”

Photo by James Thomas

Photo by James Thomas

WitLoveKath - Species Elton John Tommy cropped

Not everyone is so lucky as to have a species named for them. But what if they were? Here are some suggestions for newly found creatures and their human counterparts:

1.

No more twiddling your thumbs on Tuesday nights. The muppets have made a triumphant return to TV. Kermit is as crotchety as ever, and Gonzo still gesticulates with his noodley arms. Oops!! Before this entry is deleted by the censors, I couldn’t help but think of a certain favorite frog when I saw this:

Photo courtesy popularmechanics.com

Photo courtesy popularmechanics.com

Photo courtesty muppet.wikia

Photo courtesty muppet.wikia

To watch the first episode of The Muppets click here.

2.

Every time I turn on the TV or read the newspaper, I see Donald Trump. So when I saw this bizarre formation with its familiar curvature on my computer screen, an image of Trump’s hair naturally came to mind. Plus the law that Donald Trump must be mentioned everywhere, as i mentioned in my last post.

Photo courtesy popularmechanics.com

Photo courtesy popularmechanics.com

Photo by Michael Vadon

Photo by Michael Vadon

3.

Apparently, there is another law that states that Benedict Cumberbatch must be appear in all visual media. So, whether “tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” or not, this recently discovered stick insect is getting his day in the spotlight.

Photo courtesy of Royal Belgian Institute of Natural Sciences

Photo courtesy of Royal Belgian Institute of Natural Sciences

Photo by GabboT

Photo by GabboT

4.

The Pinocchio frog has not been given a scientific name yet. Why not just call it Ted Cruz?

Photo by Tim Laman National Geographic

Photo by Tim Laman National Geographic

Photo by Gage Skidmore

Photo by Gage Skidmore

5.

When I learned that John Boehner, Speaker of the House, was retiring, I thought there could be no more fitting farewell than to name this sea creature after him.

photo courtesy mmn.com

photo courtesy mmn.com

Photo courtesy Huffington Post

Photo courtesy Huffington Post

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A Companion for the Doctor – Who?

19 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by Kath Carroll in Celebrity, Geekery, Humor, Pop Culture, Television, Travel

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BBC, Chewbacca, Dalek, Doctor Who, Doctor Who companion, Donald Trump, Frozen, humor, Jenna Coleman, Olaf, Star Wars

Yesterday it was announced that Jenna Coleman is leaving Doctor Who. Jenna has been the Doctor’s steady companion, Clara, through his regeneration from Matt Smith to Peter Capaldi, from young to old, from eccentric to grumpy. In her normal life when she not traveling in the TARDIS, Clara has been a nanny, a school teacher, a girlfriend to Danny Pink, and a friend to many. But now Jenna’s off to play Queen Victoria in a eight-part drama series.

Jenna’s absence will leave a much coveted hole in the show’s cast. Who will be the next companion?? Below are five top contenders the producers and director should consider:

Chewbacca – Since his stunning self portrayal in the Star Wars epic series, Chewie has languished in Hollywood, receiving neither the respect nor the recognition he so justly deserves. The emotion he wrung out of unforgettable lines like brrwhhhaargh and grrrwaaaaaarggggh (Such joy! Such angst!), should long ago have placed him in the pantheon of Greats. Instead, he spends his off-grooming time traveling from ComicCon to ComicCon, selling himself for photo ops. And while Chewbacca will make a reappearance in The Force Awakens, isn’t it time he claim a more prominent role? Chewbacca is uniquely positioned to become the new companion. He has experience as Hans Solo’s sidekick, and  his “bigger on the outside” persona offers a nice counterpoint to the TARDIS’s “bigger on the inside” dimensions.

Con: shedding all over the Tardis

Olaf – What has become of Olaf? Sure his image graces waffle makers, sippy cups, toothbrushes, lunchboxes, beach towels, slippers, ice skates, T-shirts, costumes, backpacks, cereal, mugs, pretzels, phone cases…, but is the cutthroat world of retail really suited to such a sensitive, optimistic snowman? To package Olaf is  to melt him–and no one puts Olaf on a shelf. Olaf is a risk-taker! Olaf is ready to die for love! If these are not the qualities of a good companion, I don’t know what are. Rescue Olaf from the inhumanity of consumerism and cast him as the Doctor’s next companion.

Con: leaving puddles in the TARDIS.

Robby the Robot – A contemporary of both the first Doctor, William Hartnell, and the second, Patrick Troughton, Robby rolled on the scene in 1965 in TV’s Lost in Space. Despite his rather intimidating description as a Class M-3 Model B9 General Utility Non-Theorizing Environmental Control Robot, Robby is surprisingly human, poignantly capable of humor, melancholy, sarcasm, guitar playing, and singing. Keenly perceptive, Robby would be invaluable to alert the Doctor to peril with his flailing arms and warning words: “Danger! Danger! Will Robinson” (At last, the Doctor’s name is revealed!!). Other favorable traits include his familiarity with space travel, his prior experience working with doctors (Dr. John Robinson, Dr. Maureen Robinson) and his knack for thwarting a fierce nemesis (Dr. Zachary Smith).

Con: The singing? It wasn’t so hot.

Donald Trump – Because he has otherworldly hair, and there is apparently a law that every list, article, or show must include him.

Con: too many to mention.

A Dalek – In a world torn apart by strife, let’s restore hope by healing the rift between Time Lord and Dalek. Only by working together can these two mortal (immortal?) enemies bring peace to the universe (and if they could EX-TER-MIN-ATE ISIS in the process, so much the better).

Con: The competition to choose which color Dalek would represent the species could get ugly. Red? Blue? Heck, it’s starting to look a lot like the U.S. presidential campaign—just not as contentious.

Best of luck, Jenna. You’ll be hard to replace.

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Chew On This

22 Friday Aug 2014

Posted by Kath Carroll in Food, Parodies, Television

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Tags

Allen Salkin, Chopped, Cupcake Wars, Diners Drive-ins and Dives, Farsh Askari, Food Network, Guy Fieri, humor, Parody, Salon.com

The title of the Salon.com opinion piece screamed off the screen like Guy Fieri himself: “How one man destroyed the Food Network: Guy Fieri has made culinary TV into a viewer’s hell.”

Finally, I thought, as I read Farsh Askari’s commentary, I’m not alone in my assessment of Food Network. Then came Allen Salkin’s response, which is an impassioned defense of Guy, but equally critical of the Food Network.

Why does it always come out "Drivers, Dine-ins, and Dives" when I say it? Image from Wikipedia

Why does it always come out “Drivers, Dine-ins, and Dives” when I say it?
Image from Wikipedia

While I agree with Askari’s opinion on Guy more, they both make valid points about Food Network. I also used to like watching the creative chefs ply their trade while I cooked dinner or relaxed on the couch afterward, but in recent years a bitter bite has taken hold of the programs.

For me the turning point came with the inception of Cupcake Wars, in which a snarky host presides over a kitchen where once-fun confections have become arms for cutthroat competition. (In fact, there is now a show called Cutthroat Kitchen.) Food Network used to offer comfort food for a world gone a little—or a lot—crazy. Now it serves up recipes of the same cynical, mean-spirited, snobbish ingredients that make up modern society.

Justin Willman, magician and host of Cupcake Wars, who also goes by Justin Kredible. Image from Wikepedia

Justin Willman, magician and snarky host of Cupcake Wars, who also goes by Justin Kredible.
Justin Sipid.
Image from Wikipedia

I cut my television culinary teeth on Cake Challenge, where pastry chefs created astonishing cake sculptures based on a given theme. Artistic merit and taste determined the winner; the participants competed, but did not connive. Unfortunately, as the years passed this show became a buttercream Titanic, sinking under more and more onerous requirements until the cakes had to be towering, animatronic behemoths to be crowned champions. In fact, by the end of the show’s run, I think the cakes were the size of the Titanic.

Bronwen Weber, of Frosted Art Bakery and Studio in Dallas, was always a classy and creative contestant on Cake Challenge. Image from Food Network

Bronwen Weber, of Frosted Art Bakery and Studio in Dallas, was always a classy and creative contestant on Cake Challenge.
Image from Food Network

Confetti Cakes won the first Extreme Cakes Challenge with this 6-foot tall sock monkey, complete with smoking ears, laser eyes, and sparklers.

Confetti Cakes won the first Extreme Cakes Challenge with this 6-foot tall sock monkey, complete with smoking ears, laser eyes, and sparklers.

Over the years I’ve also watched Iron Chef, Restaurant Impossible, 24 Hour Restaurant Battle, Private Chefs of Beverly Hills, Food Network Star, Food Truck Wars, and Chopped. Some of these shows no longer air and the schedules of others are lost among the onslaught of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (“DINERS!, DRIVE-INS!, AND DIVES!!”), but I still enjoy Chopped.

Image from Wikipedia

Image from Wikipedia

The premise of Chopped brings four chefs together to create a 3-course meal from the ingredients in a mystery basket. Over three rounds, the chefs are “chopped” as their dishes don’t live up to the judges’ expectations until one winner remains.

Even in this show, though, there’s a creeping feeling that the judges are losing perspective, the way politicians lose all connection to “real life” or Kanye West to his own importance. War may be raging, disease running rampant, people starving, but Scott “no raw red onion” Conant or Maneet “I really wish you had…” Chauhan will glare at the chef as if he or she spit in the dish and say something like, “The braised boar was the most succulent I’ve ever had, but I don’t understand this orange slice on the rim of the plate.” The camera pans to the chef who, looking as if he’s just been caught at McDonalds, stammers some defense of his vision. Then Marc “all I want to taste is salt” Murphy nods his head in agreement with the utter embarrassment of the orange peel and levels the damning criticism, “and you should have used more salt. So for those reasons, we have to chop you.”

The Judges of Chopped Image from Food Network

The Judges of Chopped
Image from Food Network

Being chopped for that lack of salt is no grain of salt to these chefs. For some the win and $10,000 prize means redemption in the eyes of their family (I think contract killers have more support from their relatives for their choice of career than chefs), a chance to open their own restaurant, pay bills, or give to charity. I like Chopped for a couple of reasons. First, it’s interesting to see how the chefs combine the mystery ingredients into a gourmet meal and to hear the running commentary of their process; second, I can empathize with these cooks. For me every night is a Chopped-style dinner.

Here’s a transcript of one of my recent episodes:

“Sometimes I like to listen to music while I cook. I have my earbuds in and I’m at the sink washing the lettuce. I turn to reach for the lettuce spinner when the unthinkable happens. My earbud cord catches on the sponge drawer knob, and my iPhone whips out of my pocket and crashes to the floor. At the same time the earbuds are torn painfully from my ears. I don’t have time for this! The silence is deafening. I untangle the cord from the knob. But I’m rushing and I just make it worse. How does it get so snarled in two seconds? At last it’s free. I bend over and pick up my phone; fortunately it’s still intact—a little dusty. I really need to sweep this floor. I reattach the earbuds and throw the lettuce into the spinner. While I pull the cord, I’m thinking how I can transform the macaroni elbow noodles.

“And then it hits me, to the pot I can add a little butter, a little milk, and a package of orange cheese powder. The processed cheddar will give the elbows a nice tang that I know my family will appreciate.

WitLoveKath - Food Network Mac and Cheese gourmet I

“Next I consider the chicken breasts. I’m running to the pantry. I open the door and see breadcrumbs. Suddenly, I have an idea. I open the fridge and grab an egg. I stir the egg in a bowl with a fork and sprinkle breadcrumbs into a pie plate. Between wax paper, I pound the chicken breasts thin. I dip each one into the egg mixture and then into the breadcrumbs. I slap them into the electric fry pan, hoping the crisp texture of the chicken will please the judges.

WitLoveKath - Food Network - chicken

“If there’s one ingredient that’s a stumper, it’s the vegetable. I run to the freezer and pull out the basket. I find a bag of peas and a bag of broccoli. Something for everyone, I think. I know the peas will go for 4 minutes in the microwave; the broccoli 3 and a half. I know that to get all the components of my dish ready at the same time, I must get the vegetables nuking. I pour the peas into the 25-year old round microwave bowl, add a tablespoon of water, and settle the lid on top. I open the microwave and slide it inside. A single touch on the 4 button starts the oven whirring. While I wait, I grate Stop & Shop brand New York Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese into a Pyrex bowl for the broccoli. I’m thinking the shredded cheddar will be a nice complement to the processed cheese in the macaroni. Cheese makes everything better, right. (Except for fish, of course, I’m not a barbarian.)

“While the peas are heating, I pour the broccoli into the matching square microwave bowl and attach the cover. When the timer rings, I switch out the bowls and turn my attention to the chicken breasts.

“I see they are sizzling and golden brown. Perfect. I’m transferring them to the plates when disaster strikes! One of the chicken breasts slips off the spatula and lands on the floor. For a moment I’m paralyzed, but then I remember the 5-second rule. I quickly pick up the filet and put it on my plate. You know moms always get the dregs, so it doesn’t bother me.

“Everything has come together, so I plate the meat, put serving spoons with the veggies and pasta and walk it all to the judges. They eye their dishes skeptically, as if remembering the time I served arsenic-laced burgers. Before I even sit down, the kids are cutting their meat. Jenny reaches for the broccoli and Conor the peas.

“’Why won’t you eat peas, Jenny?’ Conor taunts.

“’Because they’re disgusting,’ Jenny says. ‘I like broccoli.’

“’Broccoli is just tree-like peas,’ Conor goads.

“’They’re gross.’

“’Just eat a few of the peas with a lot of the broccoli and then less broccoli and more peas until you have a larger ratio of peas to broccoli and you’ll get used to them.” This sage advice elicits nothing but an exasperated glower as Jenny carefully separates all the components of her dish with her knife.

“’Huh?, Jenny, will you eat some peas? Huh? They’re good.’

“Finally, Jenny looks up. ‘Conor, I don’t want to eat them!’

“Conor chuckles as he inhales his food and asks to be excused.

“Jenny finishes her meal in peace.

“I taste my linoleum-infused chicken and find I have elevated the dish. As I chew I consider ways I can imbue future ingredients with the same savory flavors. A little less cleaning, a little more clumsiness, I decide.

“I feel happy. Even though my plates weren’t perfect, I feel that I’m still a winner. I’ve survived to cook another day.”

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