It seems a bit ironic that Apple, who forged its name with an ad smashing Big Brother, has now become Big Parent, telling us what we need and what’s best for us.

In the new iOS8 update, the geniuses of Apple deemed that we don’t really want to delete those photos—you know the ones: of the floor, of your thumb, of the hair, facial contortions, and unfortunately placed lumps and bumps that make you exclaim in horror, “Do I really look like that?!”.

You thought they were gone, you thought you were safe from future embarrassment, but they’re baaaack—like Mark “Appalachian Trail” Sanford and the brawling Palins.

Really, I want you to forget. I just don’t want you to forget me.

See all those people? You can take ’em. I know you can!

And where are your pictures anyway? Instead of the easy-to-browse camera roll, the pics are now sorted into dated folders. I can’t even remember what I did yesterday, much less what day I took a particular photograph.

When my daughter Jenny updated her phone the other night, she suddenly realized that a third of her songs were gone—361 songs to be exact. After much fuming and angst, she ended up having to restore every song from her computer, even the ones she bought when she was 12 that remind her of when the “girl wars” began and that she never wants to hear again.

Speaking of songs she never wants to hear—what up with the “gifting” of U2’s new album? When it didn’t show up on her phone last week amid all the hoopla, Jenny figured she was safe (she sorta likes what she’s heard of some of U2’s previous albums, but they’re no “Awesome Mix Vol. 1” Guardians of the Galaxy sound track). Then  while she was furiously (and I mean angrily—not quickly) searching for Ed Sheeran’s The a Team, she discovered, instead, Songs of Innocence. She leveled me with a disgusted stare and announced, “Well, I got it,” as if she had suddenly been infected with Enterovirus 68.

Enterovirus 68 or Sounds of Innocence–which would you rather have?

I told her it could have been worse. It could have been Robin Thicke. But it got us thinking about free Apple downloads we would like to see. Here’s a short list:

1. A $1,000,000 bank error in your favor. Here would be a great use for that “undeletable” feature.
2. Gender equality
3. A bra that really fits
4. Another Harry Potter novel
5. A spray tan that looks realistic instead of turning users into terra-cotta warriors
6. Photographs of every time you look really good
7. All the SAT answers
8. A rerun of the final How I Met Your Mother—with the right ending
9. The return of Pushing Daisies
10. This is an oldie, but don’t we all want?…double rainbows all the way

Anyone else want to join in? Leave a comment!